-Act III-

God's really funny sometimes. I was having a conversation with John about knowing what things to actively pursue and what things to put aside when it comes to serving in our church. John has taken a little break from playing drums and I was telling him my feelings about not doing drama. For my friends who knew me in college, and even more so for those who knew me in high school, it would be a little weird hearing me say that I don't feel the need to be doing drama stuff anymore. College may not have been so bad but in high school, drama was 90% of my life. I was in every play, every musical, speech team, contest plays, you name it. If I wasn't wearing the cute little pom pon skirt and dancing around for football and basketball games, I was on a stage somewhere. And everyone knew me as the drama girl. But something happened in college that took away my drive to be on the stage. And by the time I graduated, drama was just a thing I once did. People who have only known me since living in Springfield, don't have a clue that I had such passion for drama. I think it might have slipped out once or twice with some people who were apart of our drama team at Hope. But most of them are gone now.

Anyway, during college, I began feeling like maybe I wasn't as good as everyone thought I was back in high school. Like I would just be kidding myself if I thought anyone would really want to see me perform. So at Campus House, I mainly did things like direct. Because I knew what needed to be said or done but I just didn't have the confidence to think I could pull it off myself. And every since then, I have been carrying that around with me. By the time we started going to Hope, I was coming out of a depression and wasn't really eager to get back into things right away. I was interested in their drama ministry but noticed they had tons of talented people and a number of people in charge. Since I was not confident enough to simply act, joining just in the hopes of directing was out. And I definitely didn't feel the need to ask if I could be someone who directed things. So, slowly, I let God lead me into things. I joined our tech team and eventually joined the worship team. It took two years before I felt courageous enough to do that. I mean, we have even more talented musicians and singers than we do drama people. So after Apex and singing and tech team, I felt that drama was something that I would be okay not participating in. But if God ever called me to get back into it, or if I at least felt like I should rethink things, then I would.

Well, last night, God spoke. I was waiting with a couple of people for worship practice to start when the guy who is now in charge of our drama ministry came over to talk to me. Now, we have never really spoken for long periods of time and I really only know him from the times when I had to light a skit for a weekend service. He asked if I would be interested in helping Act III (that's the name of the drama team) out with a skit they are doing next week. It was one that I already knew about because John is on the programming team and I help come up with special music so occasionally I get to help plan services as well. The part he needs me for doesn't require speaking and quite frankly, he just needs a lot of diverse people so of course I am someone he thinks of. I tell him that It would be okay because I knew they would be looking for a lot of people and figured I would be approached. He reassures me that it is nothing because there is no speaking part. I guess I make this face that lets him know that a speaking part doesn't really scare me because he smiles and asks me if I would do it even if there was a speaking part. I kind of shrug and mumble something. His face just lights up and he starts talking about how he actually had me in mind for a skit they want to do next month but wasn't sure if I would want to do it because it would require speaking. Now, a lot of things have gone through my head since then but to be honest, at that exact moment the only thing I could think of was my conversation with John the other night and God challenging me about really being open to getting back into it if I felt it was something I needed to do. So I told Mike (the director) that I was interested and he said he'd let me see the script.

So I don't know what any of this means as of yet but I think I should at least give it a try. And I feel as if maybe God is telling me that I shouldn't let my fear keep me from something that I use to have such passion for. As of right now, I still am unsure if being apart of Act III is the right thing for me. But until I take a leap and try, I will always wonder if it is really my time to put drama aside, or if it's just the fear of not being any good that is keeping me away.

Song of the day: You Get Me
by Michelle Branch

shawanda
spewed 10:10 AM

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