Tuesday, April 26, 2005

-Black Tuesday-

Today is Black Tuesday. I do not wish to explain why or go into any real detail. But I will say that there are things in a person's past. . . people, places, or times. . .that can come back to haunt. I was expecting my ghosts today. I wasn't expecting them to come so late in the day. The better part of my day has actually gone pretty well. Besides a few work related issues, I enjoyed most of my day. I even spent a couple of hours with Apex serving some awesome people at a local shelter. Of course, you can say that my black Tuesday began there. Songs and words floated into the air to remind me that my mourning would come. And before I realized it, I found myself surrounded by memories that I can neither forget nor face. It is on Black Tuesdays that I see myself for who I really am. Chicken
!@%*#. Scared, selfish, and unwilling to face my past.

There are soo many things that I feel proud of. Situations that I face and overcome and hopefully grow in character because of. Maybe one day I will get over my fears, face my ghosts, and step in faith about God's hand in all of this. But until that day comes, I will mourn. Mourn for the things left unsaid or done. Mourn for the debris left behind after such a tragic journey. Mourn for those who suffer through no choice of their own.

Song of the day: We Have Forgotten
by Sixpence None the Richer

shawanda
spewed
8:06 PM

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