-Say Something-
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.Song of the day: Fair
by Remy Zero
shawanda
8:32 PM
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-Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days-
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I seem to have a lot going on in my head today. Most of it is nonsense and folly. And though silly or random things are not a bad in and of themselves, they can be troublesome when they overpower the important things you need to focus on and get done. Here is a list of things whirling in my head at the moment:
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*For work I am starting a new assignment that seems as if it should be fun. For the next couple of weeks, Dell is training new customer service reps and has turned to secret shoppers for help. Part of the training program will consist of taking mock phone calls and going through scenarios with fake customers. This is where I come in. I have been give four different scenarios that I will be role playing through as a perspective Dell customer. If I remember correctly, I will own/manage an investment firm, a publishing company, a management firm, and an insurance claim processing firm. I get to come up with fake information like personal information and company name. In preparation for this, I should be going over instructions, paperwork, and studying the scenarios. I don't have to rate any of the trainees because each call will be recorded but I still need to go over what they are expected to say because some of my answers will depend on how they handle certain things. I also have to set up an instant messaging account through my assignment scheduler so that those monitoring can chat with me and give me director suggestions of things they would like me to say to either stump or test the trainee. As of this point I haven't done nearly as much prep work as I should be doing.
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* In reading Zach Braff's latest blog entry, I ran across the new trailer for Chicken Little. It looks very cute. I remember doing the Chicken Little story for a puppet show that two high school friends of mine and me did our Jr. year for the public library. Of course, this gets me side-tracked and thinking about how much fun that year was. Allison, Chip, and I just took it upon ourselves one day when we say the unused puppet stage in the storage area of the Children's library section. Allison's mother was coordinator of the children's reading program and thought it would be a great idea to do during their Saturday story hour. We weren't that great (especially in the beginning) but we had lots of fun with it. By the end of the year we were getting offers from places like the Y to do hour shows for their after school programs. And they actually paid us! Boy I miss those days.
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* With all this talk about books and things, I have grown more and more excited for the new Harry Potter book coming out in July. A few of you have mentioned the books in your own book list. I enjoyed the last book, Harry potter and the Order of the Phoenix soo much, I think I will reread it for a third time before the sixth book arrives. John and I talked about going to the midnight party Barnes & Noble always have for the book release. John use to work and B&N in Vegas and has gotten to see what one is like. I never have and it sounds as if it could be fun. Watching all the kids get soo excited about a book is cool. Plus, John and I waited too long before trying to get our Star Wars tickets so we didn't get to hang with our friends when they saw it opening night. Maybe this will take the sting away a little.
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* Speaking of Star Wars, when John and I saw the movie, it was the first time we sat through trailers and enjoyed every one. I think we have quite a movie scheduled planned for the rest of this year. I don't know if they show the same trailers in every theatre but have you guys seen the movie trailer for Chronicles of Narnia? It looks way cool. Can't wait for that to come out as well.
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* This weekend I am singing for worship and I haven't gone over the songs like I should be. Practice is tomorrow so I better get to it. I think I got a little lazy when I saw that most of the songs are ones that I already know. There is a new song and a couple of old ones that I have to learn the alto part for. But I seem to pick this kind of thing up fast hence adding to my procrastination.
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* Lastly, in all the hustle and rigmarole of this week, a few household duties have fallen by the waist side. Though I look around and see carpets and floors that are desperately crying for attention, I just can't seem to motivate myself to tend to them in my spare time. Instead, I blog about how I need to tend to them and make myself feel better by doing a little laundry in the process.
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Song of the day: I Know I Can by Nas
shawanda
12:13 PM
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-For All the Star Wars / Veggie Fans-
.I ran across this a couple of days ago when I was surfing other blogs via the "Next Blog" button. In light of Star Wars now playing in theaters, I thought I would share it with you all. And if you don't like Star Wars, but can't seem to tear yourself away from a good vegetable plate, then this is for you as well.
Enjoy.
.Song of the day: Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1
by The Flaming Lips
shawanda
8:05 AM
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-No One Can Sniff Out the Hip Like We Can-
.So as I was browsing the Sims 2 website to get the latest scoop on the new expansion coming out soon, and I ran across something that I couldn't help but to blog about.
.Occasionally, Maxis has a Sims 2 movie/video contest for those who like to use the movie feature within Sims 2. This time around, they have teamed up with the University of Southern California for a contest where the first prize is a whomping $5,000 or a 4 week Maxis Associate position. To help interested movie makers out, they have provided judge's hints and cool features to add to your Sims movie. Now, I do not intend to enter this contest due to the fact that neither John nor myself have learned how to handle the camera within the game without a significant amount of jerking. But just in case there were some cool features I could simply use during game play, I decided to check them out. And that is when I came across what has now become my song of the day.
.With the addition of Sims 2 University came a college radio station that plays a larger variety of music than the base game provided. So now you can listen to salsa, hip-hop, country, rock, jazz, etc. Before, all of the songs were just music in the style of each genre. But now, they have gotten actual singers (and I have read that some are from famous bands we'd know) to sing songs but in Simlish, the language of the Sims. The results are sometimes hilarious.
.So for your listening pleasure, here is
Shicka Zicka Soom, my song pick of the day. And for those of you who want to explore other Sim tunes click
here. My number 2 song pick is Love of Mine by Rock Hendricks. You can find it under the neighborhood radio station section. Enjoy.
shawanda
3:53 PM
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Thank GOD because he's good,
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because his love never quits.
Far better to take refuge in GOD
. .than trust in people;
. .Far better to take refuge in GOD
. .than trust in celebrities.
GOD's my strength, he's also my song,
. .and now he's my salvation.
Thank you for responding to me;
. .you've truly become my salvation!
You're my God, and I thank you.
. .O my God, I lift high your praise.
. .Thank GOD-he's so good.
. .His love never quits!
-Excerpts from Psalm 118
Song of the day: Under the Floor by Switchfoot
shawanda
1:07 PM
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- Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom -
.I feel as if I have been having one of those weeks where things just keep going wrong. Nothing big mind you, but just enough little things to drive a person crazy. Things with work, plans coming undone, and the long standing computer issues have left me a little on the cranky side. I fear that the frustration I am feeling this week is putting tension between John and myself. I also fear that maybe I have become slightly more sensitive
as well. Minor mess-ups leave me feeling like a failure while the slightest hint of an unkind word or notion makes me feel as if no one cares. I hate these kinds of weeks because I wonder if I don't just come off sounding whiney or pitiful. And I don't mean to be. I don't want people feeling sorry for me or going, "Oh no Shawanda, we just
adore you!" Not that this isn't nice or anything but with weeks like this, it just comes off to me sounding like pity.
.So what's a girl to do? One part of me knows that my circumstances are the only reason I feel so icky but my feelings won't separate themselves from the circumstances enough to care. I think it's one of the many mysteries of being a girl. Perhaps I shall say a special prayer for John in hopes that God will help him get through the rest of this week with me.
.Song of the day: To Be Free
by Emiliana Torrini
shawanda
1:16 PM
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-A Novel Idea-
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Here is my response to being tagged by Karen:
1) Total number of books owned:
I have also never counted. A lot of the books I owned were left behind then sold when we left Vegas.
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2) The last book I bought:
The Prodigal Hugging Church by Tim Wright. Need it for our church's 40 Days of Mission series.
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3) The last book I read:
The last book I read (first time through) was Aimee by Mary Beth Miller. Great character study on teenage depression. Just re-read the Notebook after renting the movie.
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4) 5 books that mean a lot to me:
The Bible, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, The Harry Potter series (especially #5), Aimee, and The Wind Blows Backwards by Mary Downing Hahn (my favorite childhood book).
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5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their ljs/blog:
Amanda and John. I figure if I tag John, he no doubt will get everyone else to do one. I just don't seem to have the kind of power he does. I wonder if it's something in the Mountain Dew he drinks. . .
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Song of the day: The Ground You Shook
by Sixpence None the Richer
shawanda
5:57 PM
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Song of the day:
Circlesby Strong Bad
shawanda
1:13 PM
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-Stop & Think of Me When You Hear This. . . -
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Today I didn't really have anything to blog about. I didn't even have a song of the day. I was however thinking about my "theme song" and wondered if it was weird that I included it in my profile section. I got the idea of a theme song a few years ago after watching an Ally McBeal episode. Tracey Ullman was guest starring as Ally's wacky therapist and one of the things she told Ally to do was find a theme song. Something that described her or affected her in some way. Ultimately, the song was to be something that she could sing in her head to give her confidence in scary situations.
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Do any of you guys have a theme song? For our small group, I came up with the crazy idea of one person sharing themselves each week. They could talk about whatever they wanted and had to provide a song that described where they were now or had significance in their past. I didn't think the idea would go over well, but everyone seemed to really be excited about it. It was really cool hearing everyone's song and finding out why they picked it. So what about you? I would be really interested in what you guys would choose as your theme songs (or songs that you really connect to). If you'd like to share, please comment. And if you really feel like sharing, you can say why it is your song of choice.
shawanda
8:14 PM
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-Love, Daisies and Troubadours -.
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Today will be a great day I think. John just got a new skateboard that I LOVE. I also spent some much needed time with the Creator of the universe. It's funny how I can take for granted God's omnipresence. It unfortunately gives me an excuse for not spending quality time with Him. I think that since God is always with me no matter where I am or what I am doing, it's not soo bad if I don't spend one on one time with Him everyday..
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Though my quiet time today didn't produce some spiritual nirvana, it was good to reconnect and get myself focused for the rest of the day. And walking away from anything that makes you feel loved is a treasure in and of itself.
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Song of the day: Meditate
by Out of Eden
shawanda
11:32 AM
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-Jews and Chinese Food -
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Though I am feeling quite tired, I am glad that I have kept myself productive and managed to get a lot of things done. Seeing that I have already accomplished a few tasks make trudging ahead easier. So since I am feeling so productive and all, I figured I could take a little time to blog. I have to warn you though; today's entry will be very long. If you aren't into reading long and wordy blogs then you might want to pass on reading the rest of this.
So, I have completed my debut as an actor at Hope and I have to say that the skit went really well. I had quite a few people come up to me to say that they were really touched or that it made them cry a little bit. That was nice to hear. And I am very glad that God used the skit to touch some hearts and challenge a few people. There was however one thing about the skit that I still can't seem to get out of my mind. It happened Saturday night when a few people from church got together after the service to celebrate a friend's birthday. We were sitting around talking and eating pie when the topic of the skit came up. In a past blog entry, I talked a little bit about how I was playing a black girl. That is where the conversation turned this night. Nothing major was said until someone asked if it would be okay if they made a rather blunt statement to me. Feeling a little weary I said yes. I was not prepared for what came next.
It seems that for this person, I am by far the "whitest" black person they have ever met. I didn't know how to respond to that statement at the time and so the conversation turned to where I grew up and if I was surrounded by a mostly white atmosphere. John and I talked about how I adapt to my surroundings and that how I am with my "white" friends is not how I am around my "black" friends or my family. It's almost as if I have a different dialect because I am communicating in a way that my current surrounding require at the time. I can honestly say it's something I picked up from my mom and don't even think about it when it happens. It just does. John has done it before when he worked with a group of black girls in Vegas. We would be driving home from work and he would tell me stories about the call center and he would sound just like what many perceive as "black girl." The birthday boy then talked about his dad and how it's kind of the same way when they go back to visit his father's family (who are from somewhere that I can't seem to remember at the moment). He says his father quickly picks up this thick accent and it's almost as if he is a different person.
On the way home, I quickly thought of things I should have said or questions I should have asked. I admitted to John that though I would much rather people ask me questions about my race or what that means to me, it still hurts sometimes that people want to put me in this little box and label me with a characteristic just because I look a certain color. I love my culture. From the music to the food to the way it seems to be influencing every part of our society. I love the color of my skin. I wouldn't want to be any other color. But why is it that the minute I say or do something that is considered abnormal for my race, I all of a sudden am not black enough or that it somehow makes me want to be white? So here is my question to all of you; what makes a person black or white (or Asian or Native American)? Is it the color of their skin or they way in which they behave? Do you feel as if it is both? How does a "black person act versus a "white" person? Does someone liking rock or alternative music make them white? Can only black people listen to and enjoy rap? Why does our society deem it okay for white people to use "black" slang or listen to "black" songs (and not loose any of their whiteness) but being black and incorporating things from someone else's race take away from your blackness?
I could go on and on with this. I could talk about sacrifices I have made in trying to break racial boundaries or things that I will do to make my marriage work for both John and I. Throughout my life, I have been friends with black people like me and it is never easy for any of us. I use to ask God why he made me so different and broken. Why did I have to be black but enjoy soo much of what society said wasn't meant for me? As I got older, I began to understand that God is using me in many ways to change the mindset of people. A part of me embraces this and takes pride in who I am. Yet, there will probably always be a part of me that wonders why it has to be such a lonely road.
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Song of the day: One and Lonely
by Superchic[k]
shawanda
1:24 PM
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-You Jump, I Jump, Jack-
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In honor of one of my favorite shows on television right now, I have decided to title each post with a favorite quote or episode title from Gilmore Girls. Now, besides being a lame attempt at being clever, it is mostly to amuse myself. I think I will find this to be quite challenging for me as some of my favorite quotes and titles may not have anything to do with what I want to write. In fact, I have a quote that I can't wait to use and it will be hard fitting it in anywhere.
But now on to my post, I still haven't received my script for the drama I'll be doing in June but I got a chance to see what it will look like. And let me tell you that I am sooo stoked! I wasn't really sure how I felt about getting back into things again until last night when I viewed a video of Willow Creek doing it. It looks really cool. I have to say that I am slightly nervous because this will be my first drama (speaking that is) since I don't know when. I organized a little something for Apex during our first Christmas communion service but that was more like a reading than anything else. At least my part was.
Anyway, this being my first real skit in like 4 years seems pretty audacious to me. But I figure that it will be loads of fun making the journey next month. Who knows, I may even get the acting bug back in full force. I told John that now since I am reconnecting to a passion of mine, he has to do the same. So John if you are reading this, it's time to jump!
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Song of the day: Molly (16 Candles)
by Sponge
shawanda
11:47 AM
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-Can You Believe This?-
shawanda
10:10 PM
-Overload-
Do you ever have one of those days where you feel as if you have completely lost control of your life? I seem to be experiencing this today. Because of the many things that I am involved in, it usually requires extensive planning on my part . To make sure that I am available for rehearsals and meetings and whatever else crops up within a specific month, I use my planner religiously to make sure things don't overlap. Sometimes it means giving up something for that particular month. So far it has worked to my advantage and I don't find myself canceling much. But for this month and the month of June, I am finding myself loosing control. I had everything planned out and made sure that commitments wouldn't interfere with one another. But wouldn't you know it, everyone is deciding to rearrange things or plan meetings in ways that weren't as they have been in the past. It's stressing me out because as of now, I can't really plan for things like I need to in order to make sure that I don't have multiple commitments in one day. So much seems up in the air and the things that have been set aren't looking soo good. I don't know if any of this makes sense. Let's just say that I am slightly overwhelmed and wondering if it's that time again where I evaluate my schedule and possibly drop some of my commitments.
Song of the day: Who Am I
by Lily Frost
shawanda
1:27 PM
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-Black Girl-Tonight I had rehearsal for a skit being performed this weekend at church. It's my first time with the drama group here and because I'm dealing with a nasty cold, I'm glad that I don't have a speaking part. The concept of the skit revolves around a dinner table and inviting those "less desirable" people to your table. And by "less desirable" you can fill in the blank with anyone who would make you feel uncomfortable or that you have issue with. The skit is actually pretty decent and I think it will go well. But do you want to know who I portray? Now brace yourself. . . .I play a black person! Can you believe it? I mean, this might be quite a stretch for me being as though I've only had 28 years of practice. I joked around with a friend tonight about how I am the last person to come on stage and wondering if this was some weird resurrection of blacks sitting at the back of the bus. Being apart of this skit just tickles me inside. Tomorrow I get the script for my next endeavor. I have lines the next time around. Hopefully it will not be a part given to me just on the color of my skin. Though in a predominately white church, it's bound to happen.Song of the day: Tuesdayby Sarah Masen
shawanda
7:59 PM
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-Impact-
The weather has finally beaten me. No matter what I do, living in central Illinois reeks havoc on me physically. With the constant weather changes, allergy attacks and colds come very easily. Luckily I was able to sing at every worship service before the sore throat kicked in. It's finally starting to lesson but until it's gone, I'll feel completely drained. I wonder why that is.
So as I was saying, God held off everything until all the weekend services were over. We just celebrated our first weekend service in our new church building and it was awesome! Luckily, I got to be a part of it. It took me a long time before I felt comfortable enough joining the worship team but I really enjoy it. Besides me, there is only one other black worship team member and so I often get comments about how nice it is to see me up front singing. Until now, I thought that my skin color was the only reason people enjoyed seeing me sing. I have to admit that I like representing the few black people in our church. Our sister church is predominantly black and so I know that most people in the congregation wish we were more diverse.
There is however, one guy who always makes sure I know that he enjoys me singing and that I help lead him to worship. It was strange the first time I talked with him because it caught me completely off guard and I didn't know how to take it. I mean, I don't think that I do anything special and because I am aware of the type of congregation we have, I kind of hold myself back a little. You know, realizing that it not just about me and God when I am singing with the team but about me also helping bring others into a place of worship. But I never thought that it was actually impacting others. Gradually, other people starting saying things to me as well. Still, I wondered if it was really because of my skin color. But yesterday, the same guy sought me out after the first service and let me know that he once again appreciated my presence. I was talking to two other people at the time so I felt slightly embarrassed but encouraged none the less. Then he said something to me that I still can't get out of my head. He told me that besides his wife, I am by far his favorite worship leader. I didn't know what to say. He said he wanted to make sure that I understood what I do for him when I help lead.
Now, I have to make sure that my ego gets checked at the door because the last thing I want to do is have any compliment get in the way of me being authentic. But something tells me that I can not overlook the impact that God wants to make through me. See to me, I am just up there singing and having fun because I love to do it and because it really is my way of serving God and the church He has placed me with. But maybe that's the point. Yesterday I had a lot of people tell me that I just look like I am really having fun when I sing. And I think, "Don't you have fun when you are doing whatever it is you do for God?" But for the first time, I am starting to realize that there are a few people who sing or play and just look as if they could do without. Like, they can sing/play well so maybe they should just do it. But what does that communicate to the rest of the congregation? I have to admit that my favorite worship people are those who really seem to enjoy what they are doing. And I have a feeling, that God has a lot more room to work with when we enjoy the gifts and talents that he gave us and not just see it as an obligation. So I guess my prayer is that I can continue being me so that He can continue doing what He seems to do best.
Song of the day: You Get Me
by Michelle Branch (yeah, I know it's a repeat but it what's playing in my soul)
shawanda
12:02 PM
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