-I Can't Get Started-
.Okay. I was asked to update my blog because there was a lot that went on this last week that I haven't gotten a chance to write about. I thought that maybe this would be a good time to do so. But now I'm just mad. I just wrote an entire post about what's been going on. I wrote about getting myself calm and organized and using this week to get some much needed rest. I am currently writing this in the Springhill Suites Hotel in Shaumburg, IL and have just lost a post that took me a while to write. I am not use to this computer and am now missing my computer greatly. By the end of my post, I was relaxed and feeling good about the week ahead of me. Now I am just ticked off and wanting desperately to scream. Maybe later I will try writing again. Talk about the things I mentioned in the original post. Until then, maybe you can enjoy some Remy Zero. It's not my favorite song on the CD John got for me, but it was the only one I could get uploaded correctly. I do like it. I on the other hand will be in the Word trying to regain some of the peace I just had zapped from me.
. Song of the day: Life In Rain by Remy Zero
shawanda
9:24 AM
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-There's The Rub-
.I finally got Sunday's song of the day to work. I think I shall leave it there until John comes home. It seems fitting. . .That and the fact that the song I want to put as song of today is giving me the same problems as
Ain't No Sunshine did.
.John got me a little present before he left and bought me some hard to find Remy Zero songs. He actually went looking for the entire
Villa Elaine album (which by the way I find to be very awesome) but it seemed that every store he went to and every online place he thought of didn't carry Remy Zero. Finally he went to Wal-Mart's online music store and found what he was looking for. He bought three entire albums for a really good deal and was happy at his accomplishment. However, the problem has come with sharing that music with me (and me in return sharing it with you) which was his entire reason in getting the music. Wal-Mart has a thing where you can't really burn it as a CD and only computers with licenses can listen to it. Not entirely bad except he downloaded the songs to give to me and couldn't seem to get them off of his computer. I got around that and can now enjoy the songs on my own computer. But it is definitely proving to be somewhat of a pain acquiring the licenses. I must admit that this problem may lie soley in my computer's hands and have nothing to do with the actual process of getting the license. Anyway, longer story shorter, uploading the song onto my website is fine if only
I want to hear the song. Every other computer will get an error message from Wal-Mart. Same thing happened with
Ain't No Sunshine Sunday. But I have come up with a temporary fix which is find because I will only have the songs on my blog for a day or two. I just wish the process didn't take forever and a day.
shawanda
8:57 AM
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-Leaving Home-
.
So John has finally left and is now safe and sound at Art Camp for work. For those of you who have no clue what I am talking about, John has a mandatory art camp he has to attend before his summer vacation can officially begin. This week it is for the Art Institute in Chicago and next week the camp is held at the Schaumburg school. I'm not sure of the age range of the kids who attend this camp or exactly what John will be doing, but I hope it's not all work for him. I know that there is at least one day when they try and show the kids a good time by taking them out somewhere. John said that his bosses tried to get Cubs tickets but they were all sold out. Don't know what the back-up plan is.
.
So while John's away I am here at home wondering what to do with myself. It's not that I don't have tons of things to do. Between work stuff and church stuff, the next few days are really going to be jam-packed. I actually wanted to get in a little hangout time with my friend Hannah while John's gone but I don't know when I'm going to fit it in. No, the problem of what to do with myself revolves more around the fact that I hate when John's gone on these long work trips. Sometimes I get to tag along (hopefully next week will be one of those times) or make plans to go somewhere myself. But other times, I am not so fortunate. This is one of those times. Besides the fact that this week all the Art Institute Reps will be staying in the dorms with the kids, I have a huge work project due on Wednesday and a dress rehearsal for the skit I'm in at church that I can't miss. It's the last big rehearsal before we perform it. Anyway, no matter how many meetings or "shops" I have scheduled for this week, none of it will take away the fact that this place just seems soo empty when he is away. They all just end up being necessary distractions.
.
Well time to get ready for my first distraction. . . Small Group.
.
Song for the day: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone
by Bill Withers
shawanda
3:07 PM
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-Flag Day-
.So it seems that today is Flag Day. In honor of Flay Day, please check out
one of my favorite Strong Bad emails from Homestarrunner.com. It was the first thing on that website that got me totally laughing out loud. . .I mean. . .seriously. Plus, it is also the home of my alternate song of the day. Happy Flag Day everyone!
.
.Song of the day: Beautiful America
by Five Iron Frenzy
shawanda
3:05 PM
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-An Affair to Remeber-
.I have finally begun practices for my dramatic debut at church. The placement of this drama in the service I can leave for another post. A lot to say there. This time however, I would like to focus on something that almost shames me. No, it's not the many things I thought I might have trouble with. Since I am a little rusty in the acting department, I figured
that learning the lines would be my biggest problem. Maybe it would be closely followed by my fear that I just can't act. But alas, it has come to my attention, that I have forgotten how to be free.
.Most of the movement in this sketch is to seem unhindered and free. There are even a few lines where I am required to twirl about or move in a way that I would have had no problem doing as a child. The twirling is only done by me and another girl and we both seem to have problems making it look natural. Our director seems to think that most of it is caused by the scripts still in our hands and the uncertainty of what are blocking is. But I know that it goes deeper than that. I mean, I can feel myself feeling awkward and graceless as I whirl and twirl on stage. And this just blows my mind. I mean, I was a dancer for pete's sake! And though my specialty was Hip-Hop, doing it properly was all about free expression and taking the steps and making them your own. It seems somehow that I have forgotten how to do that. I have become a woman who needs more structure, and more direction. I have become more reserved. When did this happen?
.This makes me think of what I would say is my favorite poem. I never posted an entry in response to Josh's challenge to name three of your favorite poems (partly because I couldn't think of three). But today I ran across an old journal entry where I talked about my favorite line in the book that soon became my favorite childhood novel.
."I will go to the bank by the wood and become undisguised and naked,I am mad for it to be in contact with me.".The line is a quote from
Song of Myself by Walt Whitman. One of the main characters in
The Wind Blow Backwards was madly in love with Whitman so there are lines and quotes from his favorite Whitman poems all throughout the book. During the many times I read and reread that book, I too began to fall in love with
Song of Myself. And I think in light of everything, it just seems perfectly fitting to me. I shall think upon it as I retrain myself to become free and twirl.
.P.S. For those of you who don't have the ability to listen to my song of they day, click
here for the lyrics. It really sums up what I want to say.
.Song of the day: Field of Flowers
by Sixpence None the Richer
shawanda
1:31 PM
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-Did It Work?-
.This is to try and get Amanda's picture code to work. If I am successful, then the picture will show up. . . .
shawanda
2:52 PM
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-Quick Question-
.Just wondering? Does anyone listen to the song of the day? I have a knack of changing things around from time to time and might do so in the near future. When I changed to this template, I thought it might be nice to not only list what my song of the day was, but give everyone the option of hearing it as well. If (okay, more like when) I change my template, is this a feature that you would like to see stay? Does it make no difference to you? Do you find my song choices weird or uninteresting? Please, please, please provide feedback as it's really no fun creating a reader friendly blog if my readers don't get input into what they like to see and hear. I don't often beg for comments, but I'm definitely not above it now.
shawanda
9:56 PM
-Women of Questionable Morals-
.So I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships (of a friendly nature) and what happens to them once you get married. Not to say that I wouldn't make the same choices all over again, I must admit that I have become a little saddened by the way marriages have terminated many a friendships.
.For me, I have spent most of my life relating very well to those of the opposite sex. All of my friends growing up were boys (with the exception of girl cousins I hung out with) and the trend didn't change a whole lot by the time I saw myself in high school. Granted, the number of girls I considered my friends grew greatly but I still seemed to connect a lot better with the guys of my school. In college, I think I finally learned how to have actual friendships with girls and it proved to be very necessary in my growth as a Godly woman. But yes, there were still a number of guys that I considered very close friends and always felt at ease talking to about personal issues and yes, even relationship problems.
.But then we all seemed to find significant others and most of us ended up married. And before I knew it, 80% of the people I would pour my soul to were no longer acceptable friends. We had spouses to think of and as Christians, we had a responsibility
not only to our marriage, but in making sure that we didn't cause someone else to stumble. I have heard and seen too much to think that I am bullet proof and don't want to put me or anyone else in a situation that could possibly cause harm to our marriages. I also don't want to give anyone a reason to
think I am disrespecting John and our marriage.
.And so it took a while, but I eventually got over the fact that those friends I considered near and dear would have to be let go. If John and I couldn't both share a relationship with them, then I couldn't maintain the friendship. The weirdest thing to experience is your husband becoming really close to someone you use to be ultra close with. The things you used to be the first to know, you have to now get through your spouse. . .if you even get to hear them at all. But like I said, these are things I have learned to handle. That was until recently.
.There is someone John and I have met that I seem to have a great connection with. John and he get along in terms of friendliness but no real connection was ever made. Back in the old days, this would not be a topic of discussion. But John and I are married now and the rules of the game have changed. Since this person is single, there is no girl in the mix. (This is important as doing couplely things helps us both to get around ending friendships all together. )
.So what am I trying to say? I guess I am just taking a little time to mourn a part of me that I have let go over the last 6 years. John, as the understanding husband he is, has been really great in trying to get to know guys that seem to connect with me so that the three of us can have some kind of relationship. I still won't put myself in a place where intimacy lines are crossed but it seems to be better than nothing. We had a discussion about this once in our Apex group and this whole concept of guys and girls and the type of friendship they can have when one or both are married is a hard concept for some to wrap their heads around. Times like now make me realize that I still struggle with it too.
.Song of the day: Caring Is Creepy
by The Shins
shawanda
3:21 PM
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