-Women of Questionable Morals-
.So I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships (of a friendly nature) and what happens to them once you get married. Not to say that I wouldn't make the same choices all over again, I must admit that I have become a little saddened by the way marriages have terminated many a friendships.
.For me, I have spent most of my life relating very well to those of the opposite sex. All of my friends growing up were boys (with the exception of girl cousins I hung out with) and the trend didn't change a whole lot by the time I saw myself in high school. Granted, the number of girls I considered my friends grew greatly but I still seemed to connect a lot better with the guys of my school. In college, I think I finally learned how to have actual friendships with girls and it proved to be very necessary in my growth as a Godly woman. But yes, there were still a number of guys that I considered very close friends and always felt at ease talking to about personal issues and yes, even relationship problems.
.But then we all seemed to find significant others and most of us ended up married. And before I knew it, 80% of the people I would pour my soul to were no longer acceptable friends. We had spouses to think of and as Christians, we had a responsibility
not only to our marriage, but in making sure that we didn't cause someone else to stumble. I have heard and seen too much to think that I am bullet proof and don't want to put me or anyone else in a situation that could possibly cause harm to our marriages. I also don't want to give anyone a reason to
think I am disrespecting John and our marriage.
.And so it took a while, but I eventually got over the fact that those friends I considered near and dear would have to be let go. If John and I couldn't both share a relationship with them, then I couldn't maintain the friendship. The weirdest thing to experience is your husband becoming really close to someone you use to be ultra close with. The things you used to be the first to know, you have to now get through your spouse. . .if you even get to hear them at all. But like I said, these are things I have learned to handle. That was until recently.
.There is someone John and I have met that I seem to have a great connection with. John and he get along in terms of friendliness but no real connection was ever made. Back in the old days, this would not be a topic of discussion. But John and I are married now and the rules of the game have changed. Since this person is single, there is no girl in the mix. (This is important as doing couplely things helps us both to get around ending friendships all together. )
.So what am I trying to say? I guess I am just taking a little time to mourn a part of me that I have let go over the last 6 years. John, as the understanding husband he is, has been really great in trying to get to know guys that seem to connect with me so that the three of us can have some kind of relationship. I still won't put myself in a place where intimacy lines are crossed but it seems to be better than nothing. We had a discussion about this once in our Apex group and this whole concept of guys and girls and the type of friendship they can have when one or both are married is a hard concept for some to wrap their heads around. Times like now make me realize that I still struggle with it too.
.Song of the day: Caring Is Creepy
by The Shins
shawanda
3:21 PM
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