-Thoughts- . Well, John and I returned from our trip to Colorado a few days ago.You can get some of the lowdown about the trip from his blog.So much is going through my mind right now that it is a wonder that I feel pretty peaceful.I look behind me at the wall-mounted planner and marvel at how quickly we launched back into our day-to day. . I think I need to set aside some time each day to write about things.I am finding myself putting it off.The problem with this is that when I am ready to write, I usually have quite a few things to write about.But because I don't want to spend hours writing about every event that happened, I end up cheapening each thing by only writing a short synopsis.Sometimes, I just don't bother to write about things at all. . Today I've decided to write about the two things that stick out most in my mind.The first being my thoughts about our time at Helping Hands.The second deals with my thoughts after yesterday's book club meeting. I apologize for the long post in advance. . Helping Hands For those of you who don't know, Helping Hands is a homeless shelter that Apex serves food to every month.Our hope is that each time we visit, we will see new faces because if means that the old faces have found places and were ready to move on.However, the constant transition makes it hard to develop deep connections.So our main goal is to feed them a good meal and spend time with them while we can.We have developed a relationship with the two people in charge (at least for our night) and that seems to be going well.In the future, we want to start providing transportation to anyone who is interested in attending church with us.We are still working out the details for that.Anyway, all of this is just to say that I left the shelter Tuesday night feeling really good.Not because I feel the need for a pat on the back - but because I can say that I am doing something to better my community and the people that live in it.It may not be much in the eyes of some, but seeing the faces of those we serve, I know that it is something.Most of the time we make dishes like chili and spaghetti.But for next month I would love to serve them food from some nice restaurant.Some place that we take for granted and may not even think much of.Some place like Olive Garden or Friday's.We'll see what happens. . Book Club Yesterday John and I had our Blue Like Jazz book club.Nothing out of the ordinary happened.Same great conversation as always.Lots of good topics came up.But one topic sticks out in my head today.We got on the topic of what our lives might look like if we lived each day with absolute belief in Jesus and everything given to us through God's Word.What in our lives would be different?For me, I had to admit that a lot of my time wouldn't be wasted like it can get sometimes.But honestly, I had to agree with Hannah when she said that she probably wouldn't be as insecure as she is. As I sit here writing this, I can't help but think about all the things I stress and worry over. I can't help but look back at all the times I let my insecurities keep me from using my gifts and living my life in the way I felt called. Just ask John. He could definitely tell you stories about the paralyzing fear I've had in the past. Stories about comparing myself to others and thinking I just don't measure up. If I truly lived my life in the knowledge of Christ and the promises of God's Word, I would not only be aware of who I am, but I would live with confidence. . I told the guys last night that I have been on a journey to find myself. It's been about three years and I have come a long way I think. Yet, I still have my moments of self doubt. Doubt in who God created me to be. Doubt in what He may be calling me towards. But I look back at the old Shawanda who on the inside, trembled in a corner worrying what everyone else thought of her. Questioning God as to why He made her soo weird and strange and different. It's nice to have my days where I am proud of me and think that there is no one as awesome as me. I am unique and special and God made me to be me for a purpose. Just like He made you.
